What “Heaven” Is Like

I think I should go to a priest or something to confess and talk about some things. I, logically, don’t really believe in “heaven”. I’d like to believe that there is a place when people and things die but, logically, I can’t think there is.

I hate to think that when I go, years from now, hopefully, when I am reunited with my father, he will be mad at me for mistakes I am making now.

When my Dad died, all I wanted to do was make him happy. There were a few things that I can just see him getting all upset about that we didn’t do. His obituary, for example, wasn’t ran as soon as it could because the funeral home delayed it. Not really our fault since we had the thing written on day one, but I can just imagine Dad yelling at us and being disappointed about it. If you knew my Dad, he’d totally blame us for it, even though it wasn’t our fault.

We found his living will, finally, in the safe. It was written in 1996, after my parents divorced. We followed almost everything, basically, which I am very happy we could honor his wishes like that. Unfortunately, there were a few things that were not done. For example, Dad said he wanted a catered reception after the funeral. It wasn’t. He said in his living will to forge his signature, get money out from one of his banks, and get a fancy catering service last minute to do everything. Well, sorry Dad but that’s against the law. I can see him yelling at me right now for not doing it his way, even though it’s clearly not my fault. That’s my Dad.

I want to think that he won’t get mad at me when I die for the things I’m doing right now. My Dad always blamed me for things I could not control. I want to think that when I reach “heaven” that he will be pure and not be like that. I really would like to talk to a priest about this, get it off my chest and see what they think if “heaven” is like that, if God would allow that kind of thing. I would hope, if “heaven” is the kind of place I could imagine it to be, my Dad wouldn’t be like that.