View Quotes

"Usually they make the latter to stand on, not look at." - Uncle Neil

"You can't get your thousand steps in..." - LeeAnn S

"Wow, you've done a thousand kilometers!" - Bryan S
fitbit on a plane

"She was like, 'I'm not having it.'" - Brittney H
charla wouldn't swim

"She's not very loyal." - Brittney H
charla will let anyone walk her

"There's a literal brick in there." - Brittney H
why something was so heavy

"Buying an Idle is like wearing a f**king hoodie." - Heidi C
the idle gives birds

"The birds were out of control." - Heidi C
curses were flying

"I'd like to report a robbery... Somebody stole my popcorn. My T V is still here." - Heidi C

"I don't care. I don't know how I got it. I can't live like that." - Heidi C

"I'm afraid to look at the birds..." - Heidi C

"Four! I was supposed to get five! F**k this!" - Heidi C

"He was like a slut cat..." - Holly S
their cat used to visit a lot of the neighbors

"You sound smart today..." - Hana G
talking to her mom

"Pee or poop or both?" "Pee." "I'll take it." - Michelle G & Steve G

"It's your mother... don't you recognize me?" - Heidi C
benji was barking

"Brian's not from Baltimore." "Yeah, I'm from Bowie." "Well they're the same." - Janny M & Brian C & Heidi C

"Which Easter?" - Tricia B
how old the chocolate was... it was from an easter

"They add their own flavor to it... adult juice..." - Natalie B

"What are you trying to do? Make it fall? Like a poop?" - Tricia B

"Why did I get up?" - Tricia B

"Alright. One of you took my seat." - Tricia B

"Oh you actually have Disney Plus?" "Yes. We have kids." - Brian C & Travis B

"Yes. You're celebrating a triple homicide." - Brian C
in hocus pocus when they burned the witches

"It's your fault since you filled the other half." - Tricia B
bri's drink was mostly rum

"I'm glad Hocus Pocus can get you there." - Travis B
bri was drunk

"Tricia, I can't even see you." - Janny M (pic)
she was surrounded with smoke

"They sit you in like a swinging thing and you're in a chair..." - Tricia B
getting a secret clearance

"Well your average Joe... or Vanya... from Ukraine..." - Helen E

"Weed is just an unwanted plant." - Andrei A

"What constitutes a tree; biologically?" - Andrei A

"I don't remember porn..." - Helen E

"You know what sucks if there's a fat chick with barely any boobs." - Andrei A

"I would ban crypto currency." "Woah, woah, woah there. Take it easy." - Helen E & Arlene A

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"I know. It's not even about winning. It's about hurting other people and animals." - Heidi C
how i give out birds in dominion instead of buying land

"I work under a rock... I live under a rock..." - Billy Ray M

"I know... There are dumb people." "It's unfortunate." - Janny M & Billy Ray M

"Her cooking skills are eating." - Billy Ray M
his wife

"Well I'm an okay driver..." - DeLaura W

"And you know it's a Dale cause it's Florida." - Eric W
how a pilot would f**k up a rocket launch

"Basically G T A five happens after nine every night." - Eric W
prince george's county curfew

"You should have seen my apartment before he moved in. People were like, 'does anyone live here?'" - DeLaura W

"That's good. It's summery. Kinda tastes like suntan lotion." - Eric W
the beer

"Oh my God this is the biggest one I've ever had." "That's what she said." - Eric W & Janny M
one of his chips

"It's the lesbians... the campus..." - Eric W
on hood

"They don't even have internet still." - Eric W
north carolina

"Challenge accepted!" - Eric W

"No cause what I saw was the great white flight and they all went to Bowie." - Eric W

"I mean, you gotta big canal; how can you not? - Eric W

"Did you say something to me?" - Heidi C

"Cause we're not all binge shopping." - Heidi C
how everyone had more vp than me

"Heidi has ten!" "Who's fault is that?" - Janny M & Heidi C

"I need to rethink my friends." - Heidi C

"Why is it impossible to hear you all of a sudden? Oh, I turned my volume down." - Heidi C

"He only gave you seventy?" "Yeah. F**k it. I don't care. They're gone." - Janny M & Brian C
craigslist dude who bought the shelves

"Daniel was a unique kid." "That's one way to put it." - Cheryl R & Shawn R

"My water broke with Megan." "You're welcome." - Aunt Janet & Megan R

"I'm like, and here we go and we're off!" - Aunt Janet
just spent $400 on a new dog

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"He was like, 'which house are you?' And I'm like, 'I'm not a house.'" - Stacy M
harry potter house

"Oh, awesome! Look at us finding stuff the morning after." - Stacy M
we lost a bunch of stuff after last night (my mask, sunglasses)

"I'm not trying to be fresh." - Stacy M
stacy had to reach under me for her seatbelt

"They're like, 'Yeah, I'll go buy you a toaster from Walmart...'" - Roshy R
the toaster at her bagel place is broken

"She has a straight up Hitler mustache." - Roshy R
her cat

"The Yaris was making some sounds and there was a weird smell..." - Roshy R

"So now my mother who thinks she's a Republican is involved with the climate..." - Megan Of

"I called my mom crying that she didn't name me a verb like 'Neil.'" - Megan Of

"But then you had to show her your nipple." "No, I just took a picture of it." - Stacy M
she has a lipstick that matches her nipple color

"But then I'm not white..." - Sabrina P
when she wears make up

"Yeah, we thought that was him but he's in jail." - Matt An
some rapper they thought they saw

"She's still walking around handing out marijuana drinks to everyone." - Sabrina P
a lady came around with free drinks that tasted like marijuana and took a picture of everyone

"When you work in urology you see penises everywhere." - Shawn R

"Oh no. You broke it. Look at all those cracks in it." - Paul H
becky's purse

"I called your husband 'babe.' I'm sorry." "It's okay. I call your husband 'babe' all the time." - Sabrina P & Janny M

"It's like meeting a celebrity!" - Sabrina P
she meets my sister tomorrow

"I call it my arm condom." - Sabrina P
to protect her iv

"Is that why you bought it?" "Yeah." - Sabrina P & Aaron E
the patterns on his hat looked like two boobs

"Ewwwah!" - Sabrina P
aaron brought out peanut butter and celery sticks

"Can we play tonight?" "No. We have to start sober." - Janny M & Aaron E
a game he got

"Haven't you seen Unsolved Mysteries?" - Sabrina P
my theory about twins

"Babe. Turn it down. I'm trying to talk to Janis about her vagina." - Sabrina P

"I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I was a little disappointed that my appendix didn't burst the other night." - Sabrina P
she was looking forward to going to the hospital

"Now I'm so nervous!" - Sabrina P
to meet my sister

"I'm so excited to meet Stacy and Matt... The Stacy and Matt." - Sabrina P

"She needs to take a bath every time I touch her. She's such a diva." - Sabrina P
leela

"I, I, I have all my teeth but one." - Aaron E

"...And his dentist saw all his psychopathic calls..." - Sabrina P
middle of a story; aaron was frantic about going to a dentist about his tooth

"...The Domino's pizza guy calls and I'm like, 'leave it on the front step'..." - Sabrina P
middle of a story