View Quotes

"I agree. We have limited resources!" - Heidi C

"Can you think of another reason someone would be mean just to be mean?" "No, I can't." - Brian C & Heidi C
me attacking them

"I don't want to talk about what made you rich, Elon." - Heidi C
talking to bri

"Ah! She's here! Oh, she looks so pretty!" - Heidi C
the witch

"Let's not get carried away. She still has six." - Heidi C
me

"You feel so sick that you might vomit on a painting and your choice is to go to an art museum?" - Heidi C
i was trying to defend just stop oil

"Did I make some wrong moves? Absolutely." - Janny M

"She's already left. You can call me a f**ker now." - Heidi C
her friend left her apartment

"I'm going to have to ask you to turn it down, sir. I don't know why I have a headache all day." - Heidi C
talking to benji

"I even raw dog it." - Andrei A
he doesn't wear masks or does anything preventative

"They just gave me stern looks and this Russian strict Karen face..." - Helen E

"I'm not into like a masculine looking lesbian." - Helen E

"Oh my God I will never have another orgasm for the rest of my life." - Helen E

"I'm gonna Google it... Hitler... one ball..." - Helen E

"Yeah, it sounds like she cares in a Karen kind of way." - Sabrina P

"I'm not even going to relive that. It was so stressful." - Sabrina P

"It was just a light but now it's a fancy one that beeps and is like, 'you can't ignore me.'" - Sabrina P
their ice maker needs a new filter

"Tink, you're embarrassing me!" - Sabrina P
she wasn't getting the toy out of the box

"You get dinner in fifteen minutes. Until then we're going to talk about racist people." - Sabrina P
talking to the alien

"So to make a long story short, none of the Il family poops." - Aaron E

"There was a star in the sky when I was born, too." - Sabrina P

"It is very boring when Brian wins." - Heidi C
in dominion

"Alright. I'm gonna focus. I'm not thinking about David. I'm not thinking about spices." - Heidi C
she was on a losing streak

"I was like, 'does she have a blockage? What's going on?'" - Megan Wi

"If I go to the store, I want to buy a whole shirt." - Megan Wi
she doesn't like mid-drifts

"Your girlfriend had two vaginas?" - Megan Wi
bri dated a girl that was xxx

"Now you're adding more dolphins into this rape. Now it's a gangbang." - Megan Wi
how do dolphins rape?

"Can you stop talking about poop, please?" - Megan Wi
matt was telling dexter not to poop

"Oh my God there's poo in the hallway!" - Matt Wi
dexter pooped :(

"It is very different living here than in a civilized society." - Matt Wi
in nola

"This is how you drive in New Orleans." - Matt Wi
the road was closed but he just went through it anyway

"We just moved here and they just like give you a gun." - Matt Wi

"Get your northern ass down the street." - Megan Wi
i wanted bug spray

"Oh, I said I was thirty six today." - Matt Wi
lying about his age

"I forgot I was thirty six." - Matt Wi

"Even Rex said this is bad." - Megan Wi
the saints game on tnf

"I was like, 'get your four year old ass in here.'" - Megan Wi
rex wanted megan to get his drink

"I'm giving up soda and weed." "And picking up cocaine." - Brian C & Matt Wi
when we move

"Is he allowed up here?" "No cause he might s**t everywhere." - Janny M & Matt Wi
dexter in my lap

"I'll just sit here and think of you." - Megan Wi (pic)
that weird pic...

"I'm an introvert..." - Andrei A
how does he get so many dates?

"...It doesn't really work..." - Andrei A
dating many girls being an introvert

"I taught them what a golden shower is." - Andrei A

"They're clean animals. All they eat is acorns." - Andrei A
why we should eat squirrels

"There's not much meat on them but if you get enough of them." - Andrei A
squirrels

"It scared me at first." - Uncle George
kim brought in a plant and it casted a scary shaddow

"It's a chuckle... Especially at three o'clock in the morning." - Uncle George
the plant kim brought in

"Hahahahaha." "That's what I thought. I got your back, Brian." - Janny M & Uncle George
why bri was drinking cause i was

"I tried to nail a whats-sha-ma-jigger... a nail..." - Kim Mo

"Your chimney needs a flue shot... Get it? Flue?" "Yeah, I got it." - Janny M & Kim Mo

"I'm not taking a gerbil." - Uncle George
uncle george says no more pets

"I don't want hugs. I want cash." - Uncle George
talking to the waitress

"I ain't going down there. Ain't no way." - Uncle George
the well in the ring

"...And the top is Antarctica Where did you go to school at?" - Uncle George
kim didn't know

"Ah, s**t." - Uncle George
kim called when we were out driving

"I saw some stupid s**t..." - Uncle George
engineering mistakes

"I don't want to bury another dog tonight, Brian." - Uncle George

"He's a snake... I don't know. I don't ask for ID." - Uncle George

"Why are they running down stairs?" "More exercise." - Brittney H & Jason H

"By the time they get there we will just tell them not to go to college." - Jason H
they don't want to save for their kids college

"Janis, Janis, would you rather play go fish?" - Brittney H
confusing game

"So you still walk that dog?" "Yeah, we just don't go that way anymore." - Janny M & Helen E
when the dog helen was walking lunged at a person and he fell

"There's nothing wrong on the internet anymore so I can go have a drink." - Helen E

"They actually had the nuclear radioactive symbol on them..." - Helen E
her dream about nukes

"I was trying to find out where science ends and woo woo begins and the science ended very quickly." - Helen E

"Or we could clean up our own planet and live here?" - Helen E

"I rode with Connie today so that's why I say you're a great driver!" - Bryan S
bri's driving

"Finally I just said f**k it." - Bryan S

"You can put them in!" "Well, put them in! I'm tired of being bored." - Bryan S & Brian C & Janny M
first part of quote said at the same time

"I refuse to call it Reagan." - Bryan S
dca airport

"Must have been windows." - Bryan S
something went wrong with the cash register at the bar

"I warned my wife..." - Bryan S
his last name gets misspelled and stuff

"I'm partying tonight." - Billy Ray M
i gave him a lot of alcohol

"They're just words." - Billy Ray M

"It looked like an alligator head..." - Billy Ray M
what he hit on the road

"My give a f**ks... I'm almost out." - Billy Ray M
he does not have that long until retirement

"When I go for the house, that's when I'll start hoarding." - Billy Ray M
when he buys a big house then he'll hoard stuff

"...And his parents have season tickets so... money..." - Stacy M
she got into an argument with a fan of another football team

"This game sucks!" - Heidi C

"I like to feel good. So what?" - Heidi C
with her sauna's

"Have we played this before?" "No. We were too drunk." - Janny M & Aaron E
we actually did

"Don't worry. I'll pick you up, Janis." - Sabrina P

"Aaron!" "You shuffled the deck!" - Janny M & Aaron E
flooded the helicopter pad first

"Lost Lagoon is now lost." - Aaron E

"I'm a pretty good catch." - Sabrina P
yea she is

"Yeah, the C diff smell was... oof." "Can I quiz you on that later?" "No." - DeLaura W & Eric W
comparing smells

"I can actually smell the beaver." - Eric W
walking through the woods... maybe it was a different kinda beaver?

"I was the one who pointed out to her, 'hey, this kinda sucks.'" - Shawn R
hocus pocus 2

"Yeah, the baby cages." - Shawn R
infants in the nicu

"That was the earliest I've ever drank." - Shawn R
watching the 9 am eagles game

"Motherf**ker. We just spent two hundred dollars on groceries!" - Shawn R
they didn't get sandwich bags

"Me es infedel..." - Shawn R
how to say i'm a refugee

"Shut the f**k up. It's not that part." - Shawn R
jen singing

"You might have gotten a contact high." - Shawn R

"If you need her to shut the f**k up, you need to present her your dick..." - Brian C

"She needs to get on all fours..." - Brian C

"I'm gonna pee myself!" - Jen R
wouldn't be the first time!

"Go pee!" - Brian C

"Are you even listening?" "Huh?" - Janny M & Jen R

"...It's like an hourly rate motel that you can take your hooker to... You should go." - Eric W
it's a beer store too

"Alexa, off." - Eric W
when we talk about pot

"It is sugar water that is color yellow." - DeLaura W

"My gut is like Fort Knox." - Eric W

"You're in a place with a lot of people... and you're singing... you're gonna get it." - DeLaura W
how church goers got covid

"It's how I poop in the morning. It's a very important process." - Eric W
his coffee

"I don't mean to stereotype but..." - Eric W

"Now you're leaning into the five G conspiracies..." - Helen E
cellphones cause early puberty

"It sounded like guns on horseback... And it was in Russian." - Helen E

"The other line of bulls**t I had to snort was..." - Helen E
how her week went

"My mom is really loud and proud about being seventy three." - Helen E
we have been known to lie about our ages

"If we were both homeless I would let you borrow my toothbrush." - Heidi C

"I may have overpaid a little for this." - Brian C
he paid 12 debt for 8 vp

"Please, I beg of you. For all that is holy." - Heidi C
benji kept barking

"Oh I had zero birds." "Yeah, cause you have zero ethics." - Janny M & Heidi C

"For four thousand dollars it better suck my dick." - Billy Ray M
speakers

"Well I don't have a life so..." - Billy Ray M
he's willing to drive far

"It's an Apple product. What do you expect?" "I know. My expectations were higher." - Brian C & Billy Ray M

"I tried it on and I looked like a nineteen fifties housewife." - Arlene A
a dress she wanted to wear to a wedding

"I got a degree in narcissism." - Heidi C

"Alcohol is good for you, Brian. It's good for your liver... I learned that at University of Phoenix." - Heidi C

"That's cause I got off of it and nobody wants to use it anymore." - Heidi C
facebook sucks

"You're asking your friends who give you birds so..." - Brian C
relationship advice for heidi

"We never called him Abe. His name was Mister Lincoln." - Heidi C

"Do you remember this when you were coming out of your mom?" - Heidi C
a weird song from the year he was born

"I'm a midnight toker... Oh, that's not nice... It's only eight." - Heidi C

"...And I feel bad about the peaches comment." - Heidi C

"And I can't sing the cousins because I have to read the cards." - Heidi C

"You masturbate to this every night?" "Yes." - Janny M & Heidi C

"Yeah. Tonight wasn't a good night for the birds." - Heidi C
it never is