2025/2026 Resolutions

Looks like I got a BINGO! A lot of these things I just plain forgotten about. I think I did pretty well though.

But what a weird year. I’ve somehow been the happiest and close to the saddest I’ve ever been.

I did not expect a lot of the things that happened this year; big things that are pretty personal to talk about, really.

A big friendship, one that I thought was very rare, happened. And then it ended very suddenly. I feel like ghosting someone is the meanest thing to do to someone. I still hate the feeling I get when I think of those who have ghosted me. But the way this ended hurt a lot more than that. I would have had more respect for this person if they had just decided to ghost instead of saying what they said. It deeply, deeply hurt. A pain I’ve like never felt my entire life. Something that when I talk about it people go, “Really? That happened? What are we in grade school again?” And somehow I want closure but I cannot give them the satisfaction of closure because I don’t ever want to see or talk to them again, they have hurt me that much. Me… A person who hates ghosting and who hates games and bullshit and doesn’t ignore people. This person who hurt me is the kind of person that makes other people not trust people and not open up. And they can do it again and that makes me really fucking sad. I hope that that doesn’t happen.

But I healed miraculously fast and I’m over it and it does not effect me any longer. I’ve moved on. Perhaps the fastest I’ve ever moved on, thanks to the things and the great people in my life.

And there’s something on the horizon… and I don’t know how it’s going to end or the beginning of something. It is very exciting yet very scary. It’s like I’m deep into a great book and I want to jump to how the book ends because it could end great but it could end in a complete disaster. I don’t want to make any predictions because I don’t know what the future has in store. I just have to enjoy the ride.

I realized last night as I was sipping a beer, awaiting the fireworks… I have all of life right now. I feel like I have reached the top. I’ve retired young (which a lot of people remind me of how lucky I am, and I know it, every day). I’ve moved away from my birth country and those horrible things that I don’t have to worry about any longer (except fear for my friends and family). I have a great life. I’m worried I’m going to ruin it with something, anything… That anxiety that I always have. The need to cry for no reason. The need to feel pain and stress and drama because I don’t know a point in my life where I wasn’t going through some if not all of those things; at least a little. That expectation that something is going to come along or something’s gonna happen which fucks everything up like it has before.

I feel like I’ve grown up this year but yet I haven’t. I shouldn’t have made so many stupid mistakes in my life. Lots of regrets but I gotta learn to let it go and move on.

No new years resolutions for me this year. I want to live my life and see what happens next.