Why Is This?

I really hate writing depressing blogs, so I’ll try to remain as less depressing as possible.

I just want to know, does God have a vengeance on me or something? Why do things constantly go wrong in my life now?

My father died, I had to give up my social life in order to get his affairs straight. I sacrifice ALL my vacation time now in order to settle things. I miss out on so much because I have to be down in Annapolis every weekend. It’s constantly on my mind, handing me, always, a great deal of stress.

My job continuously goes down hill. Especially more so since Ernie left. It’s crap what happened today. Everyday is crap now. I want to quit even more so. I don’t think I’ve ever been this mad at my job before.

So I ask God, what’s next? My Aunt Ruth dying? My dog? Dimitri leaving? Marc leaving? What’s next? How come all this bad stuff keeps happening to me? Why? Is it because I question my faith? It seems ever since I started to question my faith, everything goes bad. Why is this?

I was so happy. I had everything. My life was so perfect. I was, for the first time I think ever, genuinely happy.

Random Thoughts 3/19/08
Found A Bug


  1. Here’s one thing to keep in mind. All those things you mentioned? Unrelated to each other. So as soon as you sort out how to unpile them from one another you can work them individually and come out on top.

    As for your faith, I think you should question everything. I refuse to believe an all powerful, loving God would have vengeance in mind over such petty things as questioning what it all means. If that was the case and you believe we are the creation of that God, how did we end up with free will? How did we wind up with the ability to question if it wasn’t all a part of the divine plan to begin with?

    Beyond that, if you hate your job and you don’t see it getting better, quit. It’s as easy as finding a new one and putting in your notice. Yes, leaving folks behind sucks and there is a certain element of feeling like you somehow let the team down, but sometimes the team or the team’s leadership is toxic and you just have to go.

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